Mostly, the freebies are for things I’d never in a million years use. I have no need to lock my children’s chairs to the table and then rave about how well the shackling worked out at meal time. Sure, they fall off a chair once per year or so, but you know what? So did I and I’m (relatively) normal. We all bump our noggins at some stage of the game and frankly, a tumble from the kitchen chair to the floor isn’t high on my list of worries when things like this are going on…
Recently, Chili’s offered me a $20 gift card to go gorge on some new menu items and then snap some photos of us all stuffing our faces. I was further instructed to declare whether or not we preferred our food to be “Wild or Mild”. This winter’s incessant blogging has chunked me up enough without adding a deep fried feast from Chili’s to the mix. Though, if that e-mail’s arrival had coincided with rampant PMS cravings, this post could have gone in a completely different direction. I’d be blathering on about how much we simply adored those ‘wild’ jalapeno poppers and look at how deeeeee-lish this food is! Now run, run all of you and eat at Chili’s!
In reality our fake photos would have shown me feigning delight, but if you had looked closely you would have seen crying children in the background. Or maybe a child standing in the middle of the table while the other two engaged in a corn dog sword fight complete with french fry bombs. Thanks for the offer Chili’s, but no thanks.
I lost one of my diamond earrings a few months ago, so when a company offering me a pair of pearl earrings in exchange for a review of their pearls I was very tempted. Honestly, unless they melted or something, I don’t think I could have written anything but raves. Plus, the woman who contacted me was really nice. Then someone asked if I’d review a CD by a children’s artist covering Wilco and Bob Dylan. Again, I was intrigued. Yet, I held onto my personal rule that dictates that I won’t do giveaways and drafted a few more politely worded e-mails declining participation. *sigh*
On the other hand, my twisted sense of humor wonders what would happen if I accepted various offers and then told the truth. I mean, how funny would it be to show my children screaming to be released from their ‘chair lock’ prisons. The whole post could center around me holding them hostage and,”look! I got this thing for free! You too can shackle your child to the table, just leave a comment about how much you love me and why you’d like to lock your child to the chair and you’ll be entered in my giveaway.”
What if we accepted the Chili’s promotion then put on ragged, dirty clothes, stringy wigs and blacked out our front teeth? We could snap photos of us pretending to do shots of Wild Turkey and eating baby back ribs while our dirty children sit in the background wailing. That would be an interesting endorsement, wouldn’t it? “Boy howdy! We sure liked those jalapeno poppers, but when Buford got home he sure did get a bad case of the runs! I think from now on we’re going to stick to the’Mild’ menu!” or, “DANG! When we seen those wild wings we just about fell on the floor. First off, for twenty bucks, you think they’d give us more than 12 wings. We got a family of 5 to feed! This picture is when Buford Jr. choked on his popper. We’re real lucky that the waitress knew how to do the Heimlich.”
Call me strange, but I think that would be fun.
This morning the mother of all e-mails sat in the Narragansett No. 7 in-box. It was from a casting agency seeking female writers, storytellers and bloggers for a documentary series. I’m sure several of my blogging friends received this “media alert”, but I’m not biting. I can only imagine that a television show starring me and my family would be the biggest snooze-fest ever. Besides, I think I’m exploiting my children enough right here at Narragansett No. 7.
Well, I’d love to stay and chat for a while longer but there are some giveaways I want to go enter. In the meantime, I love beer, fine wine, Manolo Blahnik shoes, designer clothing, luxury automobiles, tropical vacations and private schools. Contact me if you need a product review of any of those items and are willing to hand out freebies.
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