Shifting Gears

Something inside my head has shifted and the happy streak that I’ve been riding for the past few weeks has come to to shrieking halt. Maybe I’ve reached that point where winter has become just a bit too long. I feel trapped and then I feel guilty saying that I feel trapped. I have a beautiful family. Perhaps last weekend’s temporary single-parenthood paired with a week of school vacation has provided the perfect recipe a fresh bout with the blues.
Sometimes, I long for the spontaneity that was available in my old life, before children. I’d like to hop in the car and drive. I’d like to sit quietly in a movie theater, or walk in silence without worrying that someone is going to run into the road. I fantasize about going away by myself for a weekend and just doing nothing but read, watch movies, sleep and order room service. I just want to be alone with the monster that brings such despair. Sometimes I just need to escape and I can’t. Sometimes I just need silence.

Talk about a downer…Sheesh. Believe me, I want happy/funny to come back too.

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Comments

  1. Missy (& various in Transplant blog) says:

    We are TWINS my dear friend. I think we need to hop a jet with some Playgirl models and ditch the family life in the Bahamas for a week. That would cheer ME up. (=

  2. Winter has this effect. Today, I'm looking at a GLORIOUS day, bew-tee-ful. Then I step outside and get bitchslapped by the wind and my eyes are watering because I'm so cold AND because I'm sort of crying that it's so no nice outside. 32 degrees my ass. The windchill must be like -20. These are the hardest days of winter for me!!!

    But, the daylight is lasting a few more minutes each day— spring might be around the corner, right????

  3. Its ok to feel overwhelmed and annoyed, honest. I feel that way all the time!

  4. Slidecutter says:

    I've reached my breaking point which is a culmination of work, illness, exhaustion, anger, disgust…well, you name it, it's inside my head these days. Sure, others have it worse with the horrific tragedies taking place in the world but hey, this is my world and all I want is out. Pleas for Scotty to beam me up have gone unanswered.

    In other words, I fully understand.

  5. I feel your pain, sister. I've got two kids over here alternating barfing… one barfs one day, the other barfs the next day, then the other, then the other… it's been more than a week now….

  6. oh i feel this way all too often! let me the eff out already! make sure you pick me up on the way:)

  7. Winter completely has that affect. I am praying, no begging for spring here in NJ! I can only imagine up there in Maine what you are dealing with. It has been Winter for too long. I need green grass, budding trees, sprouting flowers… soon! It makes me depressed too! 🙂

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