Something inside my head has shifted and the happy streak that I’ve been riding for the past few weeks has come to to shrieking halt. Maybe I’ve reached that point where winter has become just a bit too long. I feel trapped and then I feel guilty saying that I feel trapped. I have a beautiful family. Perhaps last weekend’s temporary single-parenthood paired with a week of school vacation has provided the perfect recipe a fresh bout with the blues.
Sometimes, I long for the spontaneity that was available in my old life, before children. I’d like to hop in the car and drive. I’d like to sit quietly in a movie theater, or walk in silence without worrying that someone is going to run into the road. I fantasize about going away by myself for a weekend and just doing nothing but read, watch movies, sleep and order room service. I just want to be alone with the monster that brings such despair. Sometimes I just need to escape and I can’t. Sometimes I just need silence.