Hey, Diddle Diddle

Privacy. It’s a precious commodity once you become a parent. Back when I spent my days working and living my life in blissful silence, I had no idea how good I had it. I was clueless to the fact at any given moment; millions of parents throughout the world are taking showers while tiny humans stand inches away watching like creepy little voyeurs. I have a peeper. She stands on the other side of the glass door while I shower and presses her face to glass to gawk. Her peeping is often peppered with a running commentary on the parts being washed. “Oh….boobies, Mama?” or “Feet! Feet!” The problem with these pint-sized peeping toms is that they aren’t at all secretive in their observation of your most intimate moments.

Window Peeping

Once upon a time, I was able to utilize the bathroom without an audience. Now, it seems, there is a constant flow of traffic through the master bath. They like to be kept abreast of current events and feel entirely comfortable sharing your bathroom secrets with complete strangers. Why, just last week a lovely man was here cleaning our boiler and stupidly, I used the bathroom at the top of the basement stairs. Like a moth to a flame, it took only moments for Kate to begin pounding on the door. The clincher was her demanding and piercingly loud line of questioning. “You Poop, Mama?” No Kate, but thanks for planting that gem in the brain of Mr. Boiler Repairman. I tried to pretend it never happened as I handed him a check.

What’s the draw? Do they have radar? Is there some sort of universal beacon that alerts them when parents are indisposed? Seriously, they play alone for hours without showing their little faces, but the moment they hear that barely perceptible click as you close the bathroom door, they are overcome with the undying need to join you. The thing is, they don’t just join you – they observe. They soak it all in and at some point, they begin asking questions.

Gwen is simply dying to know why I occasionally wear diapers. Just last week, David overheard her take on panty liners.

“Joe… once I saw that mommy peed in her pants and now she needs to wear diapers.”

“HUH?”

“I’m serious. She peed her pants.”

The worst part is when they sneak up on you. One day last week, I was fresh out of the shower and enjoying that the hairdryer was effectively drowning out kid-noise. My towel had dropped to the floor, but I was alone so it was A-Okay… until I suddenly I felt tiny fingers crawling dangerously close to…well, use your imagination. After I was done screaming in surprise, I looked down to see Kate who was enthralled with ‘the situation.’ There’s nothing quite as disconcerting as a surprise hand in your nether-region. Hey, Diddle Diddle… remind me to buy some locks for the bathroom doors.

courtesy http://www.omodern.com/

Click the brown box below if you were at all amused by my lack of privacy.
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Comments

  1. Mommy used to be so pretty... says:

    Hilarious!!!

    Also, I read your ghost stories…

    Couldn't sleep for three days. LOL

    Seriously, there is now a woman in Nebraska who thinks about your blog every time she goes downstairs to do laundry.

    When I see her, I will remind her she's 31 years old and needs to suck it up.

    🙂 Mommy

    http;//mommyusedtobesopretty.blogspot.com

  2. You know why I love you? Because you tell the truth about mommyhood that no one else does! It's so nice to find a blog that deals with parenthood honestly. Thank you for not being "another Mommy blog" because, frankly, I don't think of you as a mommy blog at all. Have a great weekend!

  3. Oh my goodness… I have yet to have kids and I am already missing my lack of privacy! Well put!! Saying that, I am a teacher and I know how observant kids are. I know an awful lot more than parents realise as kids are unable to keep things to themselves haha!!

    Just visting from FTLOB! 🙂 Happy Sunday!

  4. I love this. I don't have children of my own, but I remember being fascinated with Momma and Daddy and watching their morning routines when I was little. And now I'm going to go shower, alone, in the quiet, and I'm going to enjoy the heck out of it. 🙂

  5. ahahaha….sadly we have none! the first pic is beyond cute even if she is the peeeeeeper:) i love how curious these kids are about diapers, tampons, the gift that mother nature so graciously gave us! Love this!

  6. too funny…i also have a few peepers in my little abode…they started young, but as they've aged into double digits they've learned the fine art of a little privacy…thankfully…just over from comment love day.

    blessings,

    alison
    stuff and nonsense

  7. Ms. Sarah says:

    Ha that reminds me of Blake once aske Paul what happened to my penis. Since I am the only female. I blurted out with out thinking I played with it to much so it fell off. That cured the constant hands in the pant situation for him.

    I beg for privacy. we have to have keys to lock our doors here in germany. Naturally the housing didn't have the key.

  8. I love this!!! we WERE so spoiled with our privacy pre-kiddos * * the best way to get a little one's attention is to look busy doing 'big people' stuff or look simply … relaxed * *

  9. This is absoluetely hilarious!!! Kids are so inquisitive its so funny!! Awesome post, that pic is perfect for it too.lol

  10. So incredibly hilarious. That's all I can say.

  11. Nicole Jeannette says:

    Oh gosh!! Once when I was little I was at a piano recital with my mom and I pulled a wrapped pad out of her purse and opened it, asking her what it was. We were surrounded by the dads of my friends. Awkward! This was too cute and reminded me of that! 🙂

  12. Katherines Corner says:

    Thank you for the giggle I enjoyed my visit to your lovely blog. Hugs!

  13. Erica M. says:

    Cute post! This is my second visit, and you're on my blogs-to-read list. I love your writing style.

  14. Oh I just laughed out loud and when my husband asked what, I almost told him about the fascination kids have with period paraphenelia, but then just shook my head; he wouldn't understand. But did I laugh!

    PS. Your Top Mommy blogs banner isn't working

  15. Thanks for reading everyone! and thanks Becky for the heads up on the TMB banner 🙂

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