My blogging friend, Rancher Mom made a fantastic point with her comment on my last post. She may not know what Urban Outfitters is, but she draws the line at Mom Jeans. She helped me recall that long ago, I made the following vows to myself:
- I will never have children;
- I will never ever drive a minivan; and
- I will never, while I am still breathing, wear a pair of Mom Jeans. Never!
By now, I think you all know that I caved on vow numero uno not just once, not twice, but three times and I did so in rapid succession. Of course, along with rapid-fire baby birthing came the minivan. I cried when I had to drive it for the first time (my husband still thinks those were tears of happiness). However, with respect to my third and final vow (the Mom Jeans), I’m most definitely not caving. Ever. However, I concede that I need to find a happy medium because this isn’t pretty.
|did you actually think I’d post my own crackage?|
Quick look away before it gets creepy. Crack is whack!
It’s time for mommy to buy some mommy appropriate jeans. Ones that don’t provide the world’s population with a bird’s eye view of my coin-slot.
You see, the thing about motherhood and related house cleaning is that each requires a lot of movement in the form of bending, kneeling and floor sitting that reveal ‘crack’ when one is not appropriately attired. They don’t call ’em low-riders for nothin’! Truthfully, I often forget that I’m wearing low-riding Seven’s or my favorite True Religions. They’re all left over from my pre and early-baby years and I forget that I’m wearing them until a little voice helpfully chirps, “I see your butt crack, Mommy!”
As if that’s not bad enough, along with the announcement of a butt crack sighting, comes my weird compulsion to reach around, touch the exposed ‘crackage’ and confirm its existence. Why do I do this? What purpose does it serve? As if 1/2 inch of butt crack is A-Okay but an inch or more is wholly unacceptable? Next time I’m out at a playdate, maybe I should announce, “I’m only revealing a 1/4 inch of my coin slot today, I really try to tone it down for the under 5 set.”
|Fellow mommy Jennifer Garner has also fallen prey to the coin slot reveal.|
Last year I bought a pair of Joe’s Jeans on my quest to locate a pair that doesn’t expose crack cleavage or alternatively, have a waistband that rests just south of the girls. BINGO! I had them for nearly two months before I finally had them tailored and on day number one of wear, Stella’s sharp puppy teeth ripped a hole in the knee. Maybe she was making some sort of statement. Perhaps she enjoyed the view that my other jeans provide. Either way, given the fact that we have three growing children to dress, new jeans are a rare occurrence. It doesn’t help that I like my denim (stupidly) expensive. Why? Gap jeans look horrible on me and I’m vain like that.