The odd thing is, I didn’t realize that I had aged out of so many of the things that make me laugh. Perhaps because when we made a left turn onto the road of parenthood, I had no idea that six and a half years could move so quickly, and all while I was often in a zombie-like state. The process has been so gradual. Kate made a respectably sized tinkle in her potty this morning. This is big news. HUGE, even! We’re nearing the finish line of our six and a half year diaper changing marathon and I’m beginning to feel like I’ve been living under a rock, only I didn’t know I was living under a rock. It’s almost as if I got stuck in some weird time sucking limbo…no, maybe more like Ridley in those Aliens movies, I was put into a hyperbaric chamber and stayed the exact same while nearly ten years passed me by.
I was struck with this revelation on Sunday afternoon as I remembered that I used to love Urban Outfitters. When we lived in Boston, I could have had my mail directed c/o Urban Outfitters, 361 Newbury Street. Oh my GOD, I thought, how did I ever forget about that? What has become of me? Who am I? I drive a fucking minivan and lopped off all of my hair into a pixie cut. I’m a *gulp* soccer mom. I’m not going to deny that some tears were shed. I won’t pretend that I didn’t go upstairs to my closet and fondle stilettos that I haven’t worn in a year. I looked at my sad, dwindling wardrobe and decided that I was going to revamp and stock up. My laptop and I were on a mission to make me cool and pretty again. I thought, I’ll just pick up where I left off…
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I so get this. I too have an "off" sense of humor that I simple prefer to think of as I say it like I see it and I am not going to sit there and lie to you about it. My family calls it honesty, other people call it being a bitch. Oh well. Voted
Oh Lord…Newbury Street, one of my favorite places in the universe, thanks for bringing up a nice memory of my former "shop til I drop" self…
Made me think back to when I was pregnant and buying out everything that Lady Madonna offered women in my condition. Thought I was hot shit when I was the first bulbous being waddling down the street wearing a maternity top that said "Baby" with an arrow pointing down at my large belly. Like…did passers-by need an explanation of my condition?
Hell, I still have a t-shirt with a glow-in-the dark Cannabis plant spread on the front.
Not that I ever smoked, mind you….I just inhaled.
Another great post, Kelli!
Hugs!
GIrl!! I would totally do some jello shots with you!!! I missed all the crazy, gettin'-drunk, crashing-bars, partying-cause-I'm-21 thing. I had a baby at 20…so I'm right there with ya in my time warp living under a really big stinky rock!!! I need age-appropriate attire now…that sucks!! I'm no longer that annoyingly cute 20-something mama….and I hate it!!
So yeah, this is pretty hilarious. I'm sure there is SOMETHING in UO that could be appropriate. Maybe? Don't give it up altogether. Where's the fun in that?
When did Urban Outfitters become the Hot Topic for hipsters?
I'm so lame.
I need to come to your place! The end. (=
IMO, even despite the rock, you're the coolest Mama I've talked to (erm… read? IDEK). So either that rock wasn't as big as you thought, or… um, mine's humongous.
Let's go with the former on that one, shall we?
I resemble that picture (and the post as well!).
I am glad that I'm not the only one who got that feeling just on the coffee lady's look. She lives for her coffee, she's kind of a bitch because life sucks most times, and if you cross her wrong she will probably kill you with her eye daggers. Hey, that's most of us around here!
And as far as the Mommy-funk, I am so deep in the mommy funk that I didn't even know what Urban Outfitters was. But I still do remember enough to say "no" to Mom jeans.
Ah…but there lies another question, Rancher Mom. I've been saying no to Mom Jeans forever, but at some point I think I need find a pair that doesn't showcase my crack. Where's the happy medium?
I love that t-shirt! Too bad Joe's all smart and stuff and can read. Really puts the kabash on your fun, doesn't it? Great post!
Love this blog! I too have made a joke or sarcastic remark to other moms, only to be met with Zoloft induced stares…….
A pair of jeans that shows your crack only when you shake your booty?
After I had Kathleen and felt like my life was falling apart (post-partum depression, living in California knowing noone, unhappy marriage), I realized that I didn't need to hide myself in Mommy clothes. I started wearing clothes that flattered my figure and for once in my life…really liked myself and the way I looked. I liked who I was as a mom, though it is always a work in progress, and I felt sexy again! I will never wear "mom" jeans!!! Kelli, you will always be a hot mom and you will find the time to wear stilettos again.
I get into trouble at play-dates all the time for my off humor. We need to join forces.
I so enjoy reading your blogs! Again you have pulled me right there with you. However, I will NOT give up my blender! If I go more than a month without a frozen mango margarita-oh nellie, watch out! Jello shots….just make sure there are none left for Joe to find (that would be a whole new blog!) Keep 'em coming, you make me feel more normal every day.
Jessica
http://www.arunnerswife.blogspot.com
…exactly how old is too old for Jell-o shots? Because my girlfriends and I have done them twice this year, and I’m a 35yo mother of 2.
I make a point to only surround people who can tolerate me. Or, at least I think I do.
Excellent question, Kim. I have no idea if there is an actual cut off date for jello shot consumption. Maybe a better guage would be this: if you find yourself face down on the front lawn, coated in a film of early morning dew after a night of jello shots, it’s time to pull the plug. That sounds reasonable right? I’ll be right over with a fresh batch of jigglers.
Fabulous: I don’t have any dewy mornings! Which totally means we can Wiggle & Jiggle together some time. This is very good news.