What Do You Suppose This Means?

The bear was standing at the end of the dirt road, pacing back and forth and thoughtfully scratching his beard. He stopped and looked in my direction. “Where are the Skittles?” he called. “Has no one thrown Skittles away this week?” He was clearly perturbed that the dump was not properly stocked.


image courtesy Google image search

He began to pace again. While his back was turned, I rolled a giant mousetrap to the mouth of the dirt road leading into the dump. Quickly, I baited it with cotton candy and Skittles then performed an efficient army roll into the bushes as I saw him whirling back in my direction. From my post behind a tree, I watched the Game Warden round the bend with his dogs and confront the disgruntled pacing bear.



They argued.

From my hiding place I watched them angrily gesture at one another.
The bear broadly swept his arm in the direction of the dump piles, clearly complaining that there were no Skittles to be had.

A magical rainbow of candy coated niblets
image courtesy of Google image search

Then the Game Warden placed handcuffs on the bear and led him to the paddy wagon. As they drove past, I jumped out from behind the tree, pointed and laughed at the bear while screeching, “SKITTLES!”

The bear slumped in his seat and placed his head in his paws as the paddy wagon turned onto the main road and disappeared.



Paddy Wagon source

Turning to the right, I began walking across the paved road and away from the dump. I could see my sister and my friend Jodi, the one from high school, sitting together on a bench and looking at a photograph. As I approached, they held up a Glamour Shot of my junior prom date.

“Guess who I’m dating?” my sister called in a sing-song voice. They giggled.

“You can’t date him, you’re married!” I huffed.

They both gazed at me as if I was a moron and then Jodi piped up. “She can do whatever she wants! Besides…he’s HOT!”

They dissolved into a fresh round of giggles and I noticed that the man version of my junior prom date was wearing makeup in his Glamour Shot.



Not my Junior Prom Date
image courtesy funnyphotos

My cell phone rang.

“Hello, Aunt Kelli? It’s Sam. Can you tell my mom that I’m with the Long Island Serial Killer?” beep…silence.

“Uh, Traci… that was Sam and she’s with the Long Island Serial Killer.”

My sister and Jodi continued gazing at my prom date’s Glamour Shot and ignoring me. Suddenly, I’m enraged that she’s cheating on her husband with my prom date. Worse, she’s completely unfazed that her daughter is in the deadly grasp of a serial killer.

Whatever.

I walked away, leaving them there with the stupid Glamour Shot and made my way into the mall parking lot. I was trying to find a parking space and my damn car was becoming really heavy. Finally, I dropped the car in a spot outside of the mall and made my way across the pavement to the entrance.

It took a really long time because I decided to crawl like a worm.

My ex-love

Finally, I reached the entrance and stood up. I fought my way through a crowd of protesters inside of a store selling dresses from India and located the employee entrance to Neiman Marcus. I entered, pretending that I worked there and walked with purpose straight into the shoe department.

Suddenly, I could hear Neiman Marcus’ massive junkyard-style guard dogs barking, alerting the staff of an intruder. I couldn’t see them, but they were close…so close. I stood frozen with a beautiful shoe in my hand.

My eyes fluttered open to see Stella standing on my pillow, barking at me to wake up.

For some reason, I’m exhausted today.

Not a vicious junkyard-style guard dog.

Comments

  1. my3littlebirds says:

    You must be on Nyquil and wine again Kelli. So funny!

  2. I wish I could give Nyquil and wine credit here, but I was just having one of my crazy dreams. I wrote it down before it vaporized.

  3. Slidecutter says:

    If I had dropped some serious acid back in the late 60's, this would have been one of my mind trips.

    Just can't figure out the damn Skittles part…

  4. Dwija {House Unseen} says:

    Ohmygod…how did you get that picture of my husband??? Lookin' so fine all the time… 😉

  5. He's smokin' HOT dweej. You're a lucky girl. P.S. I think your avatar picture is the best one going.

  6. TexaGermaNadian says:

    Hahah, holy! How do you even remember all of that?! As my mom always would have said "What did you eat last night to make you dream so weird". Very vivid, and entertaining! 🙂

  7. Lay off the spicy food at bedtime. *lol* This made me giggle. I'm sooooo glad you told use the guy with the curly hair and cat was NOT your date. I was worried for a minute.

  8. Years ago, when I was all into smoking pot and stuff, I used to keep a dream journal. Mostly because I've always had very vivid, crazy dreams that make me laugh. I guess I kind of trained myself to remember and write them down before they left my brain. This one was too good to let go. Maybe I need to start a regular series of dream posts and then everyone can interpret their meaning.

  9. Rizi Pili says:

    I'm usually really good at deciphering dreams … clicked on it to read with confidence.
    Wow. I have no words. Are you sure you didn't eat something strange?

  10. cakeologist says:

    Now I am craving skittles!

    If that is a typical dream then I would love to read a dream post series…as long as there are no roadkill kitty cakes involved:)

  11. Oh my god! This is hilarious! I am so jealous I can't remember my dreams.
    I think you should share some more of your crazy imaginative dreams 🙂

  12. I think this dream means you want skittles and you secretly hate your sisters. LOL!

  13. I LOVE dream interpretation. I can give you some pearls of dream wisdom if you want. Most likely you don't because that's a fucking STRANGE dream! Lol. And I want to know what that dude and his cat is looking at? Is someone dangling a feather with a little bell there over them or something?

  14. Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy says:

    What the hell did you eat before bed last night?! And don't say Skittles 🙂 Dang, girl, what a weird dream! I love dreams like that, even though it's exhausting. It's always awesome to be able to remember so much of it, too.

    I love that you decided to crawl like a worm to the mall entrance. That little detail, above all the other craziness, made me laugh the most.

  15. amazing interpretation of ur dream * * as I continued to read, I kept thinkin' … let's pray for No.7's sanity this, is, indeed a dream 😀 luv how u showed the bear whose boss with ur golden Skittles … ahahahah!

  16. What? This totally happened to me the other day!:)

  17. Damn! I thought my dreams were twisted!!! 🙂

  18. Erin O'Riordan says:

    Did you watch the bear episode of The Simpsons lately, perhaps?

    It's hard to resist blogging about a crazy dream. This is one I like to call Window into the Mind of an Erotica Author: http://erinoriordan.blogspot.com/2011/01/window-into-mind-of-erotica-author.html

  19. thefancyflea says:

    Far out….i feel tired just reading about it!

    You can be in my crazy dream club. We meet in my treehouse every tuesday afternoon. It's byo snacks 🙂

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