I’ll admit that I’ve been slightly too busy to really pay much attention to the fact that the rapture is happening today. In fact, it wasn’t until Wednesday morning that I noticed references to the rapture at all. What with Facebook and Twitter being my current source of all things news-worthy, I turned to David and asked him what was going on. Except it sounded more like this…
Why the hell is everyone talking about rapture?
Some mathematician figured out that Saturday at 6:00 p.m. the rapture will happen.
Well. He gave a date once before but nothing happened, so he re-figured his equations and found a mistake in his math. So now it’s this Saturday. At 6:00.
It was right about then that I began singing Rapture and haven’t gotten it out of my head all week long. As a kid, I could recite Blondie’s (lame) rap verbatim.
..Out comes from the man from Mars and you try to run but he’s got a gun and he shoots ya dead and eats your head. I seriously hope it doesn’t go down that way.
By the third half of my second glass, I’d begun seriously pondering the ‘what-if’ of it all. The combination of tannins and soft-oak nuances provided a moment of clarity. What if, in this post-Y2K era we’ve all become so desensitized to threats of The End that we’re not prepared for the real The End? Can you blame us? After all, The House of Yahweh predicted The End on October 14, 2000 and nothing happened. Marshall Applewhite’s alien spaceship ride to a ‘level higher than human’ never really panned out, did it? Though, technically, I guess we’ll never know, because those 39 ‘vehicles’ of the Heaven’s Gate cult committed suicide alongside their leader, ‘Do’ (aka Marshall Applewhite). Who am I to say that they aren’t enjoying the higher level as I type about the ridiculousness of their beliefs? But seriously…they were ridiculous.
One of the classes I took in my criminology studies was dedicated to cults and mass suicides. We dove into the sociopathic tendencies of the leaders of those cults, Peoples-Temple, Heaven’s Gate and The Order of the Solar Temple. Taking into account the violent end that met the Branch Davidians in 1993, thanks to their self-proclaimed final prophet, Vernon Wayne Howell…er, David Koresh, I’m slightly skeptical about today’s rapture.
Criminology has left me cynical. I think God understands that and if, indeed, the rapture occurs as we sit down for dinner this evening, I like to think that we’ll be invited to take the ride to heaven. So, pardon me if I proceed as I normally would on this Saturday, May 21, 2011. I’ll write, love my family, pet my dog, clean some toilets and probably yell a little too.