This is a ridiculous poem that I just wrote five minutes ago in an immature act of revenge against my four-year-old daughter. Her ballet recital was tonight. Despite countless hours chauffeurring her, styling her hair, applying mascara and sitting at the ballet studio (which ain’t the cleanest joint in town) she picked Daddy to take her to the recital alone. “I pick Daddy, Mommy can stay home and watch Kate.” Oh, and if you’re wondering what a Pretty Sucker is, click here.
I drove you to ballet
Each and every Tuesday
Where I sat on my ass
Waiting for you to have your turn
At being a little girl
I washed your skanky tights
Long after we turned out your lights
So you could rest your pretty face.
No lines, no wrinkles, no pimples, no bags
That’s right dear, you’ve turned mother into a hag.