Maybe I’m just run down from this unrelenting cold. Maybe that is why my heart broke a little bit this morning. Maybe that is why I feel so utterly helpless. Like a failure.
Joe’s still dealing with ADHD issues, second grade and frustration. He needs to be directed through transition times. He needs constant reminders to stay on track. He is so hyper-focused on reading books, that he’s slowing his table mates down. He is costing them the handsome reward that would come if they were the first table to be cleaned up and ready. His table mates are growing frustrated and resentful. Frustrated 7 and 8 year olds aren’t fun table mates and they don’t want to be friends.
He told me that his table mates aren’t very friendly to him. One ripped a book from his hands. Another took away the dice he was using.
He’s missing a bit of recess today because he got two warnings yesterday.
I dropped him off this morning. Standing on the sunny playground, I quietly spoke with his new teacher and I watched my beautiful boy.
He wandered the perimeter of the playground with his hands in his pockets. No running. No laughing. No playing. Just quiet, lonely wandering while he looked at the ground.
No eye contact.
As I left, I hugged him and told him a loved him. I encouraged him to be his best. I said goodbye but I didn’t really leave. Back in the car, I spied on him. I sat there and watched, hopeful that once I had left, he would join the other children. I told myself that he had merely been self-conscious because I was there, talking to the teacher. He might have thought he was in trouble.
He walked across the playground, seemingly invisible to any other children.
He didn’t speak anyone. He didn’t play. He didn’t even look at anyone longingly, as if wishing he could join in. When he sat on the sidewalk, I wanted to run to him and pick him up. I wanted to take him home and love him.
I want to fix him but I can’t.
He has cognitive therapy this afternoon. I’m afraid I might cry while we’re in that session and I don’t want him to see.
My gut is telling me that this might be more than ADHD.