Woman of a Certain Age

A certain birthday is creeping up on me. No…actually, it’s about to punch me in the face. It’s cocked and loaded and ready to shoot but I’m cool with it. Really, I am.

Last week I was killing time by perusing Ebay and Etsy for vintage clothes when I stumbled upon this:

Not me. Not. At. All.

I had that dress. I wore it in the early 90’s when I still wasn’t legally allowed to be in bars but went anyway. In fact, I rocked that dress back when Kurt Cobain was still breathing and astonishing the world with his rebuttal to 80’s hairbands. I wore the hell out of that tight little number and sang …can’t find a better man! at the top of my lungs while I drove into the city to hit CBGB’s. I smoked skinny little Capri cigarettes when I drank because those weren’t like smoking a real cigarrette…therefore, by technicality, I was not a smoker. I loved Eddie Vedder and imagined that, in a perfect world, we’d meet and get married and I’d be his cool wife who wore tight little black dresses and lovingly mopped the sweat from his forehead after particularly grueling sets.

I wore that dress with cowboy boots and black high heels and drank shots out of test tubes. I might have worn it while dancing on the bar at a place called Roxeanne’s with my best friends, Debbie and Corinne. I probably puked on it. Either way, my ass hadn’t fallen yet and my boobs were still perky. My hair was long and cut like Brenda Walsh’s and I exuded a major Don’t-Even-Bother-Talking-To-Me-Fella kind of vibe.

I was dork.

Last night, Dave and I were driving home from our date night when Guns n’ Roses came on the radio. There we were, two cool, aging hotties hurtling down I-95 with Paradise City and Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door blaring from the Saab’s speakers. Momentarily, we felt cool. The songs of our youth filled my ears and made me young again. I mean really young. I felt good and happy and…then the stupid DJ went and called those songs classics. CLASSICS, I say!

My dress is vintage and my music is classic. Bitch is gettin’ old…


  1. The Oldies stations around here play music I listened to in high school and college. OLDIES. Not classics. OLDIES, woman. This does not sit well with me.

    But? Another birthday is something to celebrate. It’s way better than the alternative. Then again, time travel would be pretty cool, too….

  2. Come look in one of my closets where a favorite black Disco Dress still dances on its hanger and, in a box, the black spike heels with a golden chain ankle strap that completed the outfit.

    I refuse to part with both. Just because they’re classics.

    Hell….one of the last Tom Petty concerts I went to (before the one with Traci which was a blast) was a Mom & Son adventure. Real friendly row of fans who rocked along with Tom & the Heartbreakers and passed joints back and forth all night and told my son that his mom was one cool lady.

    Of course, I didn’t indulge, just inhaled. A LOT!

    Having just slammed into age 66 last month, would I do it all again? You bet your ass I will….first chance I get. And, I’ll punch that “Loud” button on the car sound system and roll up and down the highway listening to some of the best years of my life.

    Nah, you aren’t getting old, Kelli, far from it…. but…you are a classic!!

  3. Wow, sounds like you rocked that dress in the day! I do start to feel like my parents when ‘classic’ 90s music comes on. But it’s awesome music and brings back some great memories, so it’s all good 🙂

  4. I love that dress and I love your stories of that dress!

  5. Ha – I had a dress which I’m afraid to say was shockingly similar. And your experiences made me laugh as I reminisced such times myself. I’m 40 in April ;( My youth behind me, I venture forth into the gloom of classic rock, graying hair and being too old to ever be cool again. Although, I may be kidding myself that I ever really was ;D

    Shah .X

  6. Damn. I wish I had a dress that held that many awesome memories. Hey, vintage is chic these days. Embrace it. You’re fabulous.

  7. I love this and can so relate to it…..I am going to go cry myself to sleep now……

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