I Think Not, Sir!

I wanted to pretend that the addition of a new astrological sign was not a big deal. Despite my attempt to ignore the change, I was finally compelled to search the web for my “new” sign. I was confident that my beloved scales were still mine. Not so. According to Parke Kunkle of the Minneapolis Community and Technical College I am a Virgo. A Virgo? I think not, Mr. Kunkle.

Perhaps a bit of East Coast snobbery comes into play here. I like to think I’m not a East Coast university snob. I’m not, really…I’m not. But I’m not going to take Parke Kunkle of the Minneapolis Community and Technical College’s word for it. Exactly who gave Parke Kunkle permission to create this new and unpronounceable sign? 

When the news first came down that I am now a Virgo I balked. I huffed and walked away from the computer with sneer and snort. Of course, I initially listened to the change as if God himself delivered Ophiuchus, the serpent holder unto us. As 2012 approaches, I thought that perhaps Ophiuchus was predicted by the ancient Mayans as well. Perhaps one of Nostradamus’s quatrains hold this long and previously undetected sign of the serpent. That’s what I thought yesterday…back when I (momentarily) believed everything that the (junk) news told me.
I didn’t think I was so attached, but I guess I really identify with my old Libran sign. So first I began to mourn its loss. Then I got pissed. I mean, how dare someone throw this monkey wrench in my path. I pictured spending my remaining years reading my newly assigned Virgo horoscope and jealously looking back at what those new and unappreciative Librans are up to. Then I got pissed and my old Libran self rose from the ashes. My scales tipped back to center and the need to investigate and research the origins of this astrological shift took over. My years of legal research skills made quick work of the task at hand.

So I say this to you, Mr. Parke Kunkle. Bullshit. I am Libran, so hear me roar. Now, GOOD DAY SIR!

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